Just Another Sitcom: (Episode 1) The First Episode
by Aeris Love Gainsbororough
Summary: FF7 has got it's own sitcom! Yikes!


**JUST ANOTHER SITCOM-   
THE FIRST EPISODE **

**SEASON 1  
EPISODE 1**

By Aeris Love Gainsborough

*****

CLOUD- Cloud writes restaurant reviews for magazines across the city. He's dating Aeris. He's a nice guy.

BARRET- Barret is unemployed, and spends most of his free time sleeping.

AERIS- Aeris is in training to be a hair stylist for the movies, and is dating Cloud. She's kind and sweet.

TIFA- Tifa sometimes bartends at her bar, 7th Heaven, but only when she feels like it. She's nice, but slightly spoiled.

YUFFIE- Yuffie arranges flowers at Wall Market Florists, and shares an apartment with Tifa and Aeris.

VINCENT- Vincent writes movie screenplays, but so far hasn't written anything popular.

CID- Cid is a pilot! Of course!

RENO- Reno is an unsuccessful actor, who cares about only two things: himself, and women!

ELENA- Elena is one of Reno's best friends, and a successful talent agent, Reno's agent.

REEVE- Reeve designs toys. 

*****

*SCENE I*

(A modern apartment in Midgar, belonging to Aeris, Tifa and Yuffie. Aeris, Tifa, Reeve, Yuffie and Vincent are sitting around a TV set, watching Friends. Barret is ignoring it, and is asleep on a huge, cushy chair. Cid is reading a newspaper.)

YUFFIE: God, I wish our life was like this!

VINCENT: Like what?

YUFFIE: Like Friends, duh!

(Audience laughs.)

AERIS: Well... You know, it is, kind of...

TIFA: Yeah, if you think about it, it is.

REEVE: Yeah, Aeris is like Monica... Tifa is like Rachel... Yuffie is like Phoebe...

YUFFIE: Why do I have to be Phoebe!?

TIFA: Who would you rather be?

YUFFIE: (Pauses.) Actually, Phoebe's cool.

AERIS: Cloud's Chandler...

TIFA: Hey, why Chandler? Why not Ross?

AERIS: Because I'm Monica. Besides, isn't Chandler sorta like Cloud?

TIFA: I guess...

YUFFIE: Vincent's Ross, of course.

VINCENT: Really? Why?

YUFFIE: Cause Phoebe and Ross have this one great kissing scene, in the flashback episode...

(Audience goes "Oooooh!".)

TIFA: But he ends up with Rachel!

(Audience goes "Aaaaah!")

VINCENT: Not in this sitcom. So, uh, Phoebe, how about we go practice that, kissing scene?

(Audience goes "Oooooh!".)

TIFA: (Sarcastically.) But Ross!

VINCENT: (Grinning.) Sorry, Rachel...

(Vincent takes Yuffie's hands and pulls her out of the room, with Yuffie giggling.)

TIFA: (Pouting sarcastically.) Well, that's not fair...

(Audience laughs.)

REEVE: Who would Joey be?

(The group thinks for a second. You suddenly see Reno and Elena from out the window.)

RENO: Come on! Just ASK her for me... Pleeeease?

ELENA: Why should I ask her out for you?

RENO: Because I've already asked her three times, and she turned me down. Maybe if you tell her how great I truly am...

ELENA: Yeah. Really.

RENO: Come on, pleeease...

(Back to the group.)

REEVE: I think we have our Joey.

(Audience laughs.)

AERIS: Where is Cloud? Shouldn't he be home by now?

CLOUD: (Coming into the room.) Hey, guys.

(Loud applause and cheering from the audience.)

CID: (Looking up from his newspaper.) Hey, Cloud.

AERIS: Cloud, where've you been?

CLOUD: I was checking out that new coffee house just down the street... I think you guys would like it...

YUFFIE: (Coming back into the room, with her hair all messed up, and a goofy grin on her face.) Man, is Vincent a good kisser, uh huh... (Vincent follows her out, smiling.)

(Audience laughs.)

CLOUD: Vincent and *Yuffie*??

YUFFIE: Hey, it could work out!

(Audience laughs.)

REEVE: Well, I have to go... I need to give some design ideas to my boss. (He stands up, picks up a briefcase and leaves.)

CLOUD: So how about that coffee house?

ALL EXCEPT BARRET: Ok.

(The group rushes out of the apartment, leaving Barret asleep on the chair.)

*SCENE II*

(A hip coffee house, filled with beatniks. The group are seated at one of the tables.)

CID: (Talking to a waitress.) Whaddaya mean you don't have tea?

(Audience laughs.)

WAITRESS: We have espressos, cappucinos, cafe lattes, regular black coffee...

CID: But no tea. No herbal infusions? Not even heated water??

(Audience chuckles.)

WAITRESS: (Pauses.) I think we can handle that.

(Audience laughs.)

YUFFIE: I'll just have a glass of Coke... I don't drink coffee.

WAITRESS: Sorry, no Coke.

YUFFIE: Cold water's fine.

WAITRESS: Okey-dokey. (Walks away with the orders.)

CID: (Sarcastic.) Greaaaat coffee house, Cloud.

AERIS: Cid- it's a coffee house, not a tea house.

(Audience chuckles.)

CLOUD: What's that, a laugh track?

VOICE: This fan fiction is filmed in front of a live audience.

CLOUD: How is that possible, I don't see any video cameras... Or an audience.

TIFA: Just play along, Cloud.

(Audience laughs. Cloud looks confused, but shrugs.)

RENO: (Walks into the coffee house, shouting at somebody outside.) Baby, you won't know if you don't try! (He faces the audience, takes out a comb, and passes it through his hair. He grins, and strides towards Avalanche. He then turns to face Aeris.) Hello.

AERIS: (Thinking he's cute.) Hi.

RENO: The name's Reno.

AERIS: And I'm Aeris.

CLOUD: And I'm Cloud. Aeris' boyfriend.

(Audience chuckles.)

AERIS: (Remembers Cloud, and kisses him on the cheek.) Yeah, this is Cloud.

RENO: (Nods, and shrugs.) Worth a shot... (He turns to Yuffie.) Hi there. The name's Reno.

YUFFIE: Sorry, taken. (Vincent puts his arm around her, and smiles at Reno.)

(Audience laughs.)

RENO: (Turns to Tifa.) You wouldn't happen to be taken, too, would you??

TIFA: Actually, I'm not, but I'm not in the mood.

RENO: Damn it... (Pauses.) Do any of you have any really pretty sisters?

(Audience laughs. The group shakes their heads. Reno shrugs in frustration, and walks out.)

CID: Where's my @*&$ing water already!?

*SCENE III*

(Tifa is reading a magazine in the apartment, and Aeris is doing Yuffie's hair.)

YUFFIE: That new coffee house sort of sucked, didn't it?? The service was so slow...

AERIS: Well, the coffee was so good! It was a perfect blend... Not too strong, not too weak... It actually makes you want to be alone in a room with the man you love, rip off each other's clothes in a fit of passion, and... (Yuffie and Tifa are staring at her in bewilderment.) What??

(Audience laughs, and applauds.)

YUFFIE: You know... I think I need to try some of that coffee.

(Audience laughs.)

TIFA: So, where are the guys?

AERIS: At the coffee house. Somehow, Cid got addicted to the hot water.

(Audience laughs.)

YUFFIE: I can't believe Vincent chose a pot of coffee over me.

TIFA: Why didn't you guys go?

YUFFIE: My hair! Hello? It's a mess! I can't leave the building like this!

AERIS: How do you like it so far?

YUFFIE: It's fine, but... Do you think I should dye it?

TIFA: Ooh, that might look nice!

AERIS: Oh, wow, I barely ever get to dye hair!

TIFA: Maybe you should go blonde, Yuff.

YUFFIE: (Skeptically.) Blonde? Do you really think so?

TIFA: Oh, absolutely!!

AERIS: I'll go get the dye... How's Summer Blonde 204?

YUFFIE: (Still skeptical.) Sounds fine to me...

*SCENE IV*

(Yuffie is yelling in anger. Her hair is a very light blonde. The audience laughs and applauds.)

YUFFIE: How could you do this to me??

TIFA: It... It looks great!

(Audience chuckles.)

YUFFIE: I hate it!

AERIS: You're just not used to it...

YUFFIE: You have an hour to dye it back to normal before Vincent gets back from the coffee house.

(The doorbell rings. Aeris walks over and opens the door. Vincent, Cloud and Cid come in.)

VINCENT: Hi, we're ba... Whoaaa, Yuffie...

(Audience laughs.)

YUFFIE: Oh, god...

VINCENT: Uh... Well, think of the good side... At least now you really do look like Phoebe!

(Yuffie grabs a cushion from the couch and throws it at him. The credits start rolling, and the audience applauds.)

THE END


End file.
